Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Shalom. Jacob Sager Here, father of five, veteran of many birth plans, and you're listening to new jewish dad. Today, we're diving into the world of birth plans, what they are, why they matter and how to approach them with both intention and flexibility.
[00:00:17] Whether you're thinking hospital, home, birth, or somewhere in between, let's talk about it. So grab a cup of coffee, get comfortable, and let's talk about preparing for one of life's most unpredictable events. In jewish tradition, we have a concept called kavana, which means intention or direction of the heart. It's often used in the context of prayer, but I think it applies beautifully to birth plan.
[00:00:41] The 18th century rabbi and philosopher Moshe Chaim Louzado wrote, a person must direct their heart and focus their thoughts as if they were standing before the divine presence.
[00:00:53] Now, im not saying childbirth is a religious experience for everyone, but theres wisdom here about approaching important moments with mindfulness and with intention. A birth plan isnt about controlling every aspect of the birth. Its about setting intentions, about focusing your thoughts and hopes for this profound experience.
[00:01:14] Its about creating kavana for the birth of your child so that you welcome them in in a way that you feel supported and safe. It's about being prepared, but also being open to the miraculous, to the unexpected.
[00:01:31] So let's talk birth plans. First off, what exactly is a birth plan? Simply put, it's a document that outlines your preferences for labor and delivery. It's a plan, not a contract. It's a way to communicate your ideal scenario while understanding that birthday, like life, is full of surprises. So let's break down your options. First, hospital. Hospital birth. In America, this is still the most common choice and for good reason. You've got immediate access to medical expertise and equipment should it be needed. But hospitals can sometimes feel impersonal or overly clinical. If you're going this route, think about how you can make this space feel more comfortable and aligned with your values. Second, birthing centers. These are kind of a middle ground between home and hospital. They often have a more homey feel but still have medical professionals on hand. Rooms are designed for birthing, so instead of coming across as like a medical suite, it comes across as a very thoughtful hotel suite. Many birthing centers are often are more open to alternative birthing positions and methods which might appeal to you if you're looking for a more natural experience.
[00:02:40] Third, home birth. This isnt for everyone, and its not recommended for high risk pregnancies, but for low risk pregnancies, it can be a beautiful, intimate option. Theres something powerful about welcoming your child into the world in the same space as ill grow up. And for me, theres nothing I love more than cracking a beer right after the baby is coming to the world. No matter which option youre considering, I want to talk about two people who can make a huge difference in your birth experience, doulas and midwives. Midwives are healthcare professionals who specialize in pregnancy and childbirth.
[00:03:14] In a way, it is an art form as much as it is a science, and it goes back thousands of years all around the world. They can provide care throughout your pregnancy, during birth and postpartum. It's a really wonderful relationship to have between mom, baby and midwife. If you're planning a home birth or a birthing center birthday, you'll likely be working with a midwife. Doulas, on the other hand, are non medical support professionals. They're there to provide emotional and physical support during labor and delivery. Let me tell you, as a dad who's been through this five times, having someone there to support both you and your partner can be invaluable.
[00:03:54] Now, let me share with you about our birth experiences. Our first child we were planning on having at a birthing center, and we did have a doula, who we hired for that situation. However, it ended up becoming an emergency situation where we were moved by ambulance to a hospital. And my wife, she later had a c section to deliver our eldest.
[00:04:14] And our doula came with us through that whole thing. As a matter of fact, our midwife came with us as well through the whole rest of the situation. So for our second child, because we had been put into an emergency c section, my wife did have a VBAC vaginal birth after cesarean, and that took place in a hospital. And actually, our midwife from our first child was our doula in that situation for our 3rd, fourth, and fifth, they were all born at home. Our midwife from our first child, who was our doula for our second, and ended up going into private home practice, delivered all three of our children. Actually, we lived at the same house. Two of them were born in the same room when we eventually actually switched around rooms. And so I've been through all these different experiences. Our home birth was never like a tub birth or anything like that, but those were all the different experiences, and they're all very different.
[00:05:08] I love a home birth. My wife loves a home birth. If you know what to expect, especially, it can be just so graceful and comforting. And really, the transition out of it is really great because birth is so, despite its eruptive nature, birth is so natural that mom and baby just need to go to sleep, and there's no better place for them to do that than their actual home. So it really is a wonderful and beautiful experience. But each birth and each thing is you, your partner, her experience, her desires. It's your choice. There is no wrong choice. It's your family. You're going to welcome them into a room full of love and safety no matter where you are. So this is the most crucial point about birth, being prepared to throw them out the window. You heard about our first child. Babies have their own plans and they don't always align with us. The goal of a birth plan isn't to control every aspect of the birth. It's to help you think through your options, to open up important conversations with your partner and your healthcare providers, and to help you feel more prepared for the unpredictable journey of birth. Remember, at the end of the day, the goal is a healthy baby and a healthy mom. Everything else is just details.
[00:06:29] So how do you create a birth plan that's both intentional and flexible? Here are the three practical steps. First, Mama gets the complete say in what's going to happen and you are just there to understand and support her. Second, educate yourself. Learn about all your options. Attend the childbirth classes with your wife. Read books, talk to other dads. And the more you know, the more confident you'll feel in supporting the choices that she wants to make. Second, communicate. Have open, honest conversations with your partner about preferences and priorities. Make sure you're on the same page and you understand each other's perspective.
[00:07:09] All right?
[00:07:11] So as you prepare your birth plan, remember that the plan itself isn't the goal. The goal is to approach the birth of your child with intention, knowledge and open heart and knowing that you are leading the way and you are with professionals who are there to take care of you.
[00:07:28] Be prepared, but be ready to adapt. Because birth, as in parenting, you just don't know what's going to happen. This is Jacob Sager reminding you that the best plan is one that leaves room for life's beautiful surprises. Shalom, and I'll see you next time on new jewish daddy.
