Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Shalom. Welcome back to new jewish dad. I'm Jacob Sager, father of five and survivor of many baby gear shopping sprees. Today, we're tackling the overwhelming world of baby gear. How much do you really need? What's worth the splurge? And how can we approach this with mindfulness and intention? Whether you're a minimalist at heart or you're tempted to buy out the entire baby store, you're okay with me, dad. Let's dive into the world of rockers, strollers, and yes, the infamous diaper genie. There is a concept in jewish ethics called baal tashri. It means do not waste or do not destroy. It comes from a passage in the Torah about not destroying fruit trees during wartime, but it's been expanded to include any kind of wasteful behavior.
[00:00:46] The 12th century philosopher Maimonides wrote that this principle applies not just to destruction, but to buying more than we need. He said, whoever breaks vessels, tears garments, destroys a building, stops up a foundation, or wastes food, violates the negative mitzvah of baal Tashri. Now, I'm not saying buying that cute Onesie is destroying the environment, but there's wisdom here about approaching consumption mindfully, about considering what we truly need versus what we simply want. And as we prepare for a new life, it's a perfect time to reflect our consumption habits and what kind of world we want to create for our children. This principle of bantash chit can guide us in making thoughtful, sustainable choices as we prepare for our baby's arrival. It's not about deprivation, but about intention and awareness in our choices. So let's start with the truth that might be hard for some folks out there to swallow. Babies don't need as much stuff as the baby industry wants you to believe.
[00:01:42] Look, a lot of us have to learn this the hard way. With our first child, you're going to be given a lot of gifts, you're going to buy a lot of things, and I mean, like, a lot of things. Gadgets for problems you didn't even know existed yet. Things that the doctor tells you you have to have that you will never, ever fucking use. And by the time our fifth came along, we have a house full of crap. But I think we were very clear on what we needed and didn't need for her arrival and those first months. But what do you actually need? Let's break it down first, a safe place for the baby to sleep. Crib, bassinet. Just key is safety. Health and safety. And that's the thing. And there's plenty of beautiful heirloom cribs out there that are not safe anymore. And there's also plenty of great secondhand cribs from your brother in law that will do the job. Second, a car seat. If you drive non negotiable, it's required by law. Actually, with a newborn, a car seat is like this nice handheld I shield slash basket for the baby. So even if you, like, live in a commuter city where you aren't in your own cars ever, it's still something you want for a newborn. So you want to look for one that fits your car. It's easy to install and pop out. And this is a place where a lot of people like to splurge and get a fancy system that works with a stroller.
[00:03:11] I think the most important constraint is how easy it is to get in and out of the car, really as if it's on the market. It would meet safety standards, and that last part's just a bonus. So third, diapers and wipes. Whether you choose disposable or cloth, you gonna need plenty of these. We've done it all. I don't really have much to say here today about that. Just you'll never realize how much you need until you are done. Fourth, feeding supplies. If you're breastfeeding, you might need a pump, some other things, maybe things to support mom and her sitting up and her being comfortable. If you're feeding formula, you'll need bottles, formula, other things. Fifth, basic clothing.
[00:03:55] Need more than you probably think. A bunch of onesies, some sleepers, socks, a hat or two. Babies grow fast. You don't need too much, but they also get dirty all the time. And if it's your first child and you got a lot of friends, people are gonna gift you a lot of clothing that you'll have to wear in their presence. So be ready for that. 6th bathing supplies. Baby bathtub. Gentle soap, maybe some new, fresh special towels. Stroller. Absolutely recommend having a stroller. As a 7th and final thing I would say for this list, you want to have a stroller. It's good for mom and dad's health. Great way to move baby around.
[00:04:33] Keep baby active. Baby gets a great view of you or of the world above you. Okay, so 7th stroller. 8th baby carrier. Great baby carrier. Maybe even two different ones, one for mom, one for dad. We have different body types and different ways that we'll be physically holding them over the course of a day, possibly. Let's talk about some nice to haves. A white noise machine. You want to have a great jewish library for your kid joining the PJ library if they have it going on locally, or possibly where your grandparents might live if they don't have it in your community.
[00:05:04] But before you buy anything, just ask yourself, do you really need this? Will it really improve our lives or our babies lives if they didn't have it 100 years ago? Is it because it's actually important? Did your parents get by without it? We're all trying for something new. We live in the current moment, but just really think about it. There's just. The baby industry is huge, and they're going to convince you that there's a lot of crap out there that you need to have.
[00:05:32] Myself and other dads, we agree. We really just don't need most of the stuff they're trying to convince us we do, right? Like I remember at one point we had the system that allowed us to make our own food pouches for our babies and our toddlers. And we found that they were just such a pain in the ass to clean.
[00:05:51] Such a pain that we just did not use them over time and we regretted purchasing. Okay, so it just taught me the evalu that just taught me a valuable lesson about mindful consumption. It's not about having the newest or the fanciest, is about having what truly serves your family's needs.
[00:06:08] Here's another tip. Embrace hand me downs and secondhand items. Not only is it more environmentally friendly, remember Paul? Remember Baal Tashliet? But there's a lot of great onesies out there for babies that you or your friends might not consider. But when you go to that second hand me down thing from the local community, you'll get something just great that becomes a beloved thing for your baby and your family at that time. Plus, there's something beautiful about passing baby items from family to family throughout a community.
[00:06:38] One area where I do recommend investing, if you can, is in items that grow with your child. A convertible crib that turns into a toddler bed or a stroller that can adapt and grow. Or like a bob, which is a great stroller, can be worth the initial cost they last.
[00:06:54] But just don't forget about the power of community. Many jewish communities, they have free loan societies or they have free gear societies. And there are plenty of other jewish parents because plenty of jewish people believe in having children. So just look around your community and see if you can get some of the support you need or the feedback on whether or not you should get the things you want. So practical steps first, make a needs versus wants list. Before you start shopping, make two lists, one for absolute necessities and another for things that would be nice to have.
[00:07:30] Be honest with yourself and your partner about which goes on which list. Second, research and read reviews. Feel free to ask other dads what we think. People will tell you what they think. Remember, the fanciest or most expensive option isn't always the best. The cheapest isn't always the worst. But you just gotta figure it out and be okay with some of the decisions. And also, returns. Use returns. Return items that don't work, and get your money back and buy a better one. And lastly, embrace secondhand. Like I've said, just look into second hand options in some way. From your community, through your extended family, through your synagogue, whatever it is, check out and you'll see there's a lot of things, and people are generous. We've all had kids, and we know expensive it is, and we know.
[00:08:17] We know it's worth it to have stuff that works well. So as you prepare for your baby's arrival, remember that the most important things you'll give your child can't be bought in a store. Your love, your time, your values. These are the true essentials. The gear is just, well, gear. This is Jacob Sager reminding you that in the journey of parenthood, it's not about having all the right stuff, but about being present and intentional in all the right moments. Shalom, and I'll see you next time on new jewish daddy.
