Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Shalom, and welcome back to new jewish dad. I'm Jacob Sager, father of five and still amazed by the journey every single time. Today we're talking about the third trimester, that final stretch before your world changes forever. Whether it's your first or your fifth, the countdown to the child's birth is a unique time of anticipation, preparation, and, yeah, a little bit of panic. So let's explore how to make the most of these last few weeks. In jewish tradition, we have a term called hachana, which means preparation. It's why we spend the month before Rosh hashanah in spiritual reflection. It's why we clean out our house of Chametz before Passover. This idea of mindful preparation isn't just about practical readiness. It's about emotional and spiritual preparedness, too. The famous jewish philosopher Martin Buber once said, all journeys have a secret destination of which the traveler is unaware. I think this applies beautifully to the journey in a fatherhood. As you prepare for the arrival of your child, you are also unknowingly preparing for a profound transformation in yourself and what's going to be one of the greatest relationships you have in your life. This time of Hachenah, before your child's birth, is a unique opportunity. It's a chance to reflect on the father you want to be, the values you want to instill, and the kind of home you want to create. And you can go through this journey and really reconnect with that and redefine that. No matter how many times you've been around the block as a dad, it's about preparing not just your home, not just your family, but yourself and the person you're becoming.
[00:01:44] So what does this preparation look like in the third trimester? Let's break it down. First, physical preparation. Your partner is feeling pretty uncomfortable at this point. Baby's getting bigger, sleep's getting harder, and simple tasks might be becoming challenges. Your role here is crucial. Be patient, be supportive, and yes, perfect that back rub technique. Second, practical preparation. This is the time to finish setting up the baby's space, pack your hospital bag, or prepare your home for home birth. Install that car seat, cook and freeze some meals for those first hectic weeks and just having all the good comfort food around for you and your partner during this time. Third, emotional preparation. This is where things get interesting. You might be feeling a mix of excitement, anxiety, and maybe a bit of oh, boy, this is really happening. All of these feelings are normal and valid. Fourth, relationship preparation. Your relationship with your partner is about to undergo a major shift even if you've already had a child before, use this time to connect, to talk about what's going on, how she's doing, how you're doing, your hopes and your fears for this next stage of parenthood. Fifth, identity preparation. You're going to have another voice in your house. And you're not just becoming a father, you are becoming the man that you are at this next point. What does that mean to you?
[00:03:10] How do you continue to have your voice resonate? Or how else do you need to uncover your voice during this time? What do you need to bring forth, and what do you need to create? So let me share a personal story.
[00:03:24] When we were expecting our third child, we were finally actually going to have everything to our own birth plan. Our first child was supposed to be a birthing center, but ended up being an emergency c section at a hospital. Our second birth was a VBAC in a hospital. Our third one was going to be this home birth. And I found myself in a panic about a week or so before he was coming. You know, we had a lot of just issues in our own life with two young kids going on in the middle of the summer. And I just didn't feel like we were ready, like we had enough diapers, meals prepared. We just. I didn't. I didn't feel like I had it. And my wife and her just moments of brilliant compassion looked at me and said, you know, we have two healthy kids already. We know how we want to do this, and we get to do it our own way. So what's really going on?
[00:04:15] And it hit me like, my panic wasn't really about diapers or meal prep. It was really about the enormity of bringing another human being into our life, about the responsibility of shaping another human being. And once I recognized that, I was able to shift my focus from needless busy work to preparing myself and being useful within our domicile and amongst our children. I just reconnected with my two little kids and with my wife and in the present moment, and I reflected on the kind of father I was continuing to want to be. Not just new dad of a baby, but in the years to come, as they all grew older, would eventually read to each other or play catch. This is the real work of the third trimester. Yes, the practical preparation is important, but the internal work, the internal work, the emotional and spiritual preparation, that's what will carry you through the challenges of Joyce and fatherhood. Here are three things you can do this week to make the most of this preparation. First, start a dad journal. Take a few minutes each day to write down your thoughts, fears, hopes, evers in your head about becoming a father. This can be a beautiful keepsake to reflect upon one day. Second, have a state of the union. Talk with your partner. Discuss your expectations for those first few weeks with the baby. Talk about how youll support each other, how youll divide responsibilities and even imagine and create a better and bigger chapter in your relationship together as this new person comes into your life.
[00:05:56] Three create some sort of nesting project. If you haven't, choose one thing to prepare for the baby's arrival. Maybe it's setting up the crib, organizing baby clothes or creating a cozy corner for late night feedings for mama. Make it a mindful activity, thinking about the moments you'll share in that space with your childhood. As you count down these final weeks, remember that becoming a father is not just about waiting for your child to arrive. It's about becoming the person who will welcome that child into the world and guide them around. It's about preparing your home, your heart and your mind for this incredible journey. This is Jacob Sager reminding you that the countdown to fatherhood is not just about ticking off days on a calendar. It's about embracing the transformation that's already begun. Shalom, and I'll see you on next time on new jewish daddy.
