Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Shalom. Welcome back to new jewish dad. It's Jacob Sager here, father of five and veteran of many emotional birth experiences. Today we're talking about vulnerability during the birth process. It's not always comfortable, but it's incredibly important. We'll explore how embracing vulnerability can make us stronger partners and fathers. So take a deep breath, open your heart, and let's dive into this powerful topic. In Jewish. In jewish thought, there's a concept called bitu, which roughly translates as self nullification or humility. Now, before you start thinking about erasing yourself, let me explain. It's not about thinking less of yourself, but about being open to something greater than yourself.
[00:00:42] The hasidic master, rabbi Schneer Zalman of Liadi, taught that true strength comes from this kind of openness. He wrote, who is strong? One who conquers their own ego.
[00:00:54] During birth, we're faced with something much bigger than ourselves. It's a moment when life is unfolding before our eyes. By embracing our vulnerability, by being open to this experience in all its intensity and all the parts that we, the father, cannot control, we tap into a deeper kind of strength. This idea of bitul is not about being weak or passive. Its about recognizing that sometimes our greatest strength comes from letting go of our need to control everything. Its about being present, being open, and being willing to be moved by the experience.
[00:01:30] Lets be real for a moment. As men, and especially as father to be, we often feel pressure to be the strong one, the rock, the one who has it all together.
[00:01:40] But heres the truth. Birth is intense. It's raw, it's primal. And it's going to stir up emotions you will not be prepared for. You might feel helpless watching your partner in pain. You might feel overwhelmed by the responsibility that's yours in the present moment and will come about once the baby has arrived. You might even feel a bit queasy. Trust me, it happens to the best of us. But you know what?
[00:02:06] That's all. Okay.
[00:02:08] I remember during the birth of our third child, it's our first home birth. I found myself crying. Not just from joy, but just a mix of fear, awe and overwhelming love. I had already been through two intense birth experiences, and this one was super controlled and, you know, very comfortable at home compared to the other two. And in that moment of vulnerability, I felt more connected to my partner, to my child, to my children, to the whole process than I ever had before. So how do we embrace vulnerability during the birth process?
[00:02:40] Here are a few ideas. First, acknowledge your feelings. Its okay to be scared, to be unsure to be overwhelmed. Recognizing and accepting these feelings is the first step to embracing vulnerability.
[00:02:52] Second, communicate openly with your partner. Share your fears, your hopes, your uncertainties. This isnt about burdening them, its about being in this together. I found that these honest conversations often bring us closer dont be afraid to ask for help or clarification from the medical staff.
[00:03:11] Theres no such thing as a stupid question when it comes to the birth of your child or the health of your partner. Being vulnerable means being okay with not knowing everything and asking for help.
[00:03:23] Fourth, be present in the moment.
[00:03:26] Third, dont be afraid to ask for help or clarification from the medical staff.
[00:03:31] Be present in the moment.
[00:03:33] This might mean holding your partner's hand, breathing with her through contraction, or simply sitting quietly and bearing witness to the incredible process.
[00:03:42] Fifth, allow yourself to be emotional. If you need to step out of the room for a moment to collect yourself, that's okay. If you find yourself tearing up or full on crying, that's okay too. Now I know some of you might be thinking, Jacob, won't showing vulnerability make me seem weak? Shouldn't I be strong for my partner? Don't I need to be something else in this situation?
[00:04:05] Here's the truth. True strength isn't about being vulnerable, and you don't need to be anything in that situation other than your partner's partner who showed up lovingly for the birth of your child. It's about being real, about being present, about being willing to be moved by the experience. I've found that when I've allowed myself to be vulnerable, to feel, to really feel and express my emotions, it often gives my partner permission to do the same.
[00:04:33] And it creates a space of openness and of honesty that can be incredibly powerful anytime with your family. Remember, you're not just there as a spectator, you're an active participant in this miracle. Your presence, your touch, your words of encouragement, they matter. And yes, your tears matter too. Embracing vulnerability doesn't mean you stop being supportive or strong. It means that you're strong enough to be real, to be present, be a man.
[00:05:04] In that humanity, you'll find a deeper connection to the birthing process, to your partner, and to your child.
[00:05:13] So here are some practical steps for embracing vulnerability. First, practice emotional check. Inside weeks leading up to birth, practice regularly checking in on your emotions. You know, what are you feeling? What's exciting you? What's scaring you? Share these with your partner. Second, write a letter to your child. Take some time to write a letter to your soon to be born child, expressing those feelings about becoming their father. This can be a powerful way for you to connect with your emotions.
[00:05:43] Third, prepare a vulnerability phrase. Come up with a phrase or signal that you can use during the birth to let your partner or medical staff know that you're feeling overwhelmed and might need a moment. If you think you need this, it could be as simple as I need a minute.
[00:05:56] Just make sure you're ready to say it, alright? As you prepare for the birth of your child, remember that your vulnerability is not a weakness.
[00:06:05] No, it's a strength. It's a gift that you give to yourself, to your partner and to your childhood. By being open, by being real, you're setting the foundation for a deep and meaningful and loving life for your child from the very beginning. This is Jacob Sager reminding you that sometimes the bravest thing we can do is to allow ourselves to be moved by the miracle of life. Shalom, and I'll see you next time on new jewish daddy.
