Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Shalom. It's Jacob Sager again, father of five. Still trying to figure out this whole Internet thing. Today, we're talking about something our own parents never had to consider, at least mine. Our children's digital footprint even before they're born. Sounds Michigan, right? But in this connected world, it's something we need to think about. And if you're having kids or you have friends who are having kids, you've definitely heard a lot of opinions about it. So let's just jump in there. You know, the Talmud has a fascinating concept called le Shon hara, which means evil speech. Sometimes people use it more simply to refer to gossip. But it's not just about saying bad things. It's about being mindful about how our words can affect others, even unintentionally.
[00:00:46] A famous rabbi known as the Chufetz chaim expanded on us, teaching us that we should be careful about sharing information about others, even if it's true.
[00:00:57] Now, he wasn't talking about Facebook posts or Instagram Stories, but the principle applies perfectly for our digital age. When we share about our children online, we're creating a narrative about them before they can create their own. And we're also just opening up their image to the Internet. An Internet that has a lot more apps and bots on it than I could have ever imagined when I was. We had dial up in my house and in the days of floppy disks before that. And so it just, like, it's a form of speech that can have long lasting effects that we don't necessarily understand yet in the current moment. And as jewish parents in this digital age, we need to consider how can we apply this ancient wisdom to our modern sharing habits. Let's face it. From the moment you find out you're expecting, there's just this urge to shout it from the rooftops, or in our case, post it on social media. I get it. I've been there five times. I also do it. It's, like, totally fine with me and the rules and the way that my wife and I think about these things. But before you start hashtagging your ultrasound pictures, let's talk about what it means to create your child's digital footprint before they're even born.
[00:02:09] First off, what is a digital footprint? It's the trail of data you leave behind online. Every post, every picture, every comment has all this attached metadata about who you are, where you are, what you're doing, time, place, all this stuff, and it becomes part of a digital record. And when we share that about our children, we're creating a footprint for them. We're not just creating this footprint out there for the people in our immediate network. We're just creating footprints and artifacts of them on the network and on the Internet. Now, I'm not saying don't share at all. Mazel tov. You're having a baby. Like I said, we share. It's exciting, but we need to be mindful about what and how much we share.
[00:02:57] Here's a personal story.
[00:03:00] I have some friends, and they were expecting.
[00:03:05] I think they were expecting. They already had some children, but they had been through a long ivf journey, and they were expecting for the third or fourth child, and they shared about it really early on, and then that pregnancy didn't come full term, and it was just.
[00:03:25] It brought up a lot of painful emotions in a realm with other people that it didn't necessarily have to exist.
[00:03:34] And it.
[00:03:36] I don't know. That's just one aspect of thinking about it in the prenatal era is that you're talking about a human that's not necessarily there yet, and there's some risks involved. And I'm not saying you don't share about a pregnancy or that they, you know, it's just. It's always tough. There's a lot to consider going on there.
[00:04:00] Otherwise. I have friends now who are a little bit older than myself, and their children now are teenagers, and they're seeing pictures of themselves as teens recently and as pre teens a few years ago, and as babies a decade ago on their parents Facebook, for whatever reason. And they hate it. They really hate it. And it's not just a teenage thing. It is very well thought out.
[00:04:29] Expression, expression of autonomy. And what kind of images can be shared? Because we're not talking about family pictures, we're talking about pictures of that child on stage at a school play or something of that nature. So those are just some personal anecdotes to share about. Sharing images of your children on the Internet and the range of impacts it can have on you as a parent or on your child or on the relationship you have.
[00:04:56] So what should we consider when it comes to sharing? First, privacy. Once something online, in a way, even though you can delete your own things, it's still there forever. Think about whether you're comfortable with your child seeing this information when they're older. Think about whether you're uncomfortable if you're comfortable with anyone within the realm of what you're allowing to see it. Second, very much related to safety, be cautious about sharing identifying information, since I'm talking about this is why I'm bringing up I feel this is some basic Internet hygiene, but let's just remember, always be cautious about sharing identifying information, including pictures of your own family on your own facebook.
[00:05:40] It's a sad reality, but there are people who are out there who might misuse this data against you or other people you love. Three, consent.
[00:05:50] Obviously, your unborn child can't consent to having their information shared, but I think you and your partner need to be clear on what you're okay with. We need to be respectful of their future autonomy and also be willing to change should you end up in that situation with the teenager who's totally pissed off about those potty training photos.
[00:06:11] Four, think about oversharing. It's easy to get caught up in the excitement. But remember, nobody wants yeah, no, I was about to say not everybody, but nobody wants a play by play of your pregnancy or immediately after the child's born. We all love your kid. Come up with ways to share regularly with your parents or her parents or whomever. But not everyone wants that crap. We love you. We love your child. We just.
[00:06:43] You get it. You get it. You're becoming a parent now. You've seen it before. Don't become that person.
[00:06:48] On the flip side, sharing can be beautiful too. It can help you connect with other expecting parents, document your journey, and involve loved ones who might be far away. The key is finding a balance. Maybe instead of posting everything publicly, you create a private group for close family or friends. Or you could start a personal blog or journal to document the journey, which you can choose to share with your child later and might be an easier thing to remove than going back through your social media and having to pick individual pictures out. Remember, you're not just making decisions for yourself anymore, you're the guardian of your child's digital identity until they're old enough to manage it themselves. And that starts now. So here are three things you can do to start managing your child's digital footprint responsibly. First, talk to your partner about the sharing boundaries, agree on what you're both comfortable with putting online, and make sure to just really get what her values are and to honor those. Second, audit your current sharing habits. Look back on what you've already posted about your pregnancy. Consider if there's anything you might want to remove or make private.
[00:07:56] Third, consider creating a private digital album or journal. This allows you to document everything, keep it available on the net, but not make it public. You can always choose to share select moments later, and this won't necessarily violate aspects of privacy that could come up with posting on social media. As we wrap up, I want you to think about what kind of digital legacy do you want to create for your child? Remember, in the digital age, our words and images have power and permanence. Let's use that power wisely and create a positive online environment for our children to grow into. This is Jacob Sager reminding you that in the world of likes and shares, sometimes the most meaningful moments are the ones we keep to ourselves.
[00:08:42] Shalom. See you next time.
